“I recall a time before the Euros when I wondered, ‘Can I really keep doing this?’. I felt trapped,” Furness shares with BBC Sport NI as she reflects on her mental health journey.
“Making the decision was incredibly challenging, yet the little girl inside me longed to play in a major tournament and experience it firsthand.”
She boarded the flight to Southampton, and with her signature smile, she made history by stepping onto the field against Norway in Northern Ireland women’s first-ever match at a major tournament.
However, beneath her cheerful exterior, struggles were emerging.
Halfway through the tournament, she felt an overwhelming urge to return home for the sake of her mental well-being.
“It might sound odd, but I just wasn’t content,” Furness admits.
“On the football front, everything was going smoothly, and I was performing well.”
Yet, behind the scenes, her situation was far from perfect.
Off the field, she was grappling with the end of a long-term relationship and her father’s illness.
Combined with the intense atmosphere of a major tournament, she felt she was at her breaking point.
“On a personal level, I wasn’t comfortable in that environment,” Furness adds.
“Then I began to question everything: why am I doing this? Why do I feel this way?”
After shedding some tears, she gathers her thoughts as she recalls discussions with teammates who tried to convince her to stay in camp, rather than leave a campaign that represented the pinnacle of their international careers.
Furness and her fellow players engaged in deep conversations while gazing out from their hotel at Southampton’s sunlit harbor. Ultimately, she chose to remain.
“I’m thankful I stayed because I look back at that moment with the fans and think it was all worthwhile,” she reflects. “That’s the cherished memory I’ll carry with me.”
Yet, when the celebrations faded, a decision loomed.
Though she had gotten through the tournament, she was resolute that she needed to step back from a team she cared for deeply.
Post-tournament, she had candid conversations with staff about “how I was feeling, and how I felt I was treated,” and why she couldn’t continue.
“It was challenging to express my feelings and the mental state I was in,” she shares.
“I often blamed myself for a lot of it. Before discussing it with someone and gaining clarity, it’s easy to just put the blame on yourself.
“I have a deep love for representing Northern Ireland, and making the difficult choice to step back, uncertain if I’d ever return, was one of the hardest decisions of my life.
“Two years later, it still resonates with me and holds great significance, but I’m now at a point where I can talk about it comfortably. I’ve found myself in a much better place because of it.”
