A Reddit user navigated a disagreement with a roommate regarding food, with most others seeing both sides as valid.
However, a therapist suggested to Fox News Digital that the situation could have been resolved with greater finesse.
“AITA for telling my roommate I don’t cook food she enjoys because I don’t cook for her?” posed the user “Haunting-Athlete-951” in a recent post on the “Am I the A–hole” subreddit.
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According to Haunting-Athlete-951’s post, he, a 21-year-old male, and his girlfriend, “E,” a 20-year-old female, share their living space with a roommate, “A,” a 31-year-old female.
“We all contribute fairly to our monthly ‘household food’ budget (food meant for everyone, not just one individual),” he explained. “We can still have our own food as long as we communicate to avoid anyone eating another’s food.”
A Reddit user (not pictured) sought guidance after a disagreement with a roommate over his meal preparation. (iStock; Tiffany Hagler-Geard/Bloomberg via Getty Images)
Haunting-Athlete-951 described the “household food” as items like pantry staples, such as pasta.
“A few weeks ago, I made spaghetti with the household food for myself and E. It was just noodles and canned sauce, nothing extravagant,” he recounted.
His roommate, who was working late, expressed disappointment upon seeing the pot and remarked that it was unfortunate there was none set aside for her.
“She tried not to show it, but I could tell she was not pleased.”
“I asked her if she wanted me to save some for her next time, but she didn’t clearly respond. I sensed she wanted me to, so I decided to keep that in mind for the next time I made spaghetti,” he added.
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Days later, Haunting-Athlete-951 cooked pork chops and offered some to A when she returned home.
“She accepted it; however, when she heated the food, her expression suggested she didn’t like the smell. She tried to mask it, but it was obvious she wasn’t thrilled,” he noted.
A Reddit user expressed frustration over his roommate’s criticism of his spaghetti. (iStock)
“She took the food to her room to eat, which is typical for her, so I’m not sure if she finished it,” he said.
Following these incidents, A’s demeanor towards Haunting-Athlete-951 changed, he observed.
“Whenever I’m cooking, she’s been hovering nearby and offering suggestions on seasoning. Sometimes, I appreciate her advice, but it can feel intrusive,” he remarked, noting that he is open to constructive feedback.
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“However, whenever I didn’t follow her suggestions, she seemed to react negatively,” he continued.
“This behavior was usually subtle until yesterday.”
“She reacted negatively whenever I didn’t follow her suggestions.”
On his most recent attempt at making spaghetti, Haunting-Athlete-951 separated the noodles and sauce “so everyone can choose their preferred amount of sauce.”
“Although A has watched me make spaghetti before, this time, she remarked that I prepared it ‘the White people way.’ It’s worth noting she is also White. She insisted I should mix in the sauce, to which I told her that’s not how I do it,” he explained.
The Reddit user shared that his roommate preferred he prepare pasta differently than his usual method. (iStock)
“She expressed her preference for the sauce to be mixed, and that’s when maybe I overstepped,” he acknowledged.
“I responded that I don’t care how she prefers it, since I’m not making it for her,” Haunting-Athlete-951 stated. “When I cook, I only consider my and my girlfriend’s tastes, as the food is for us, not for her. If she dislikes it, she can prepare her own food; nothing prevents her from doing that.”
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This led A to become “huffy,” and she “stormed off,” according to Haunting-Athlete-951.
“Later, E mentioned that my tone sounded somewhat aggressive. I wasn’t angry, just stating a truth, but perhaps I could have expressed it more gently? I’m not sure,” he reflected.
In subsequent updates to his post, Haunting-Athlete-951 clarified that he and A had a constructive conversation and resolved their issues.
The Reddit user (not pictured) mentioned he advised his roommate that he wasn’t cooking to accommodate her tastes, and if she desired a specific preparation, she was free to make it herself. (iStock)
“To summarize, I expressed that although I value her occasional kitchen assistance, I found it puzzling that she insisted on small aspects, like whether or not to mix the sauce, when she could simply do it herself on her plate,” he noted, adding that he “was careful with my tone and wording this time, which I believe helped.”
A, in return, “let out a long sigh and apologized,” admitting that she had been “rather moody” after a taxing workday and had ended up venting her frustration on him.
“There’s always a more effective way to communicate than resorting to rudeness or aggression.”
A therapist informed Fox News Digital that the man’s feelings were “normal” and reflective of someone who feels unrecognized.
“Certainly, there’s always a more constructive way to relay feelings without being impolite or combative,” Rachel Goldberg, a therapist based in Los Angeles, stated in an email to Fox News Digital.
This is an opportune moment for the two roommates to discuss their differences, the therapist stated. (iStock)
“This is an excellent time to engage in a conversation,” Goldberg remarked.
“This shouldn’t escalate into a major issue unless A has underlying grievances she is projecting onto the cooking, in which case, she needs to express those concerns.”
Reactions from Reddit users were mixed regarding who, if anyone, was at fault in this scenario.
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On the AITA subreddit, members can respond to posts and categorize the original poster as “NTA” (“Not the A–hole”), “YTA” (“You’re the A–hole”), “NAH” (“No A–holes Here”), or “ESH” (“Everyone Sucks Here”).
Users can also “upvote” helpful responses and “downvote” unhelpful ones.
Ultimately, the post was labeled “NAH,” indicating that no one was wrong — although many of the over 900 users who reacted to the post labeled Haunting-Athlete-951 as “NTA,” suggesting everyone was at fault.
“While it’s considerate to think of your roommate occasionally, you are not obligated to meet her specifications every time. Her comments and hovering could benefit from a calm discussion that emphasizes mutual respect and communication.” (iStock)
“NAH, as it appears everyone is just trying to navigate a system that could be improved,” commented Reddit user “East_Hospital_2775,” with the most upvoted response.
“If I contributed financially to the food you were cooking, I would also want to eat it, haha. You might all benefit from having entirely separate supplies and avoiding the drama.”
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Another user had a different opinion.
“NTA. It’s reasonable to prepare food for yourself and your girlfriend based on your preferences,” wrote Reddit user “GlitteryGrace19.”
“While it’s nice to consider your roommate occasionally, you should not feel obligated to cater to her wishes every time. Her comments and hovering could be handled in a calm manner, focusing on mutual respect and effective communication.”
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“ESH, as this arrangement just doesn’t make sense. I would also be annoyed if someone was cooking poorly with ingredients I provided,” remarked another user.
Fox News Digital reached out to the original Reddit poster for further updates.
