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GREG GUTFELD: Kamala Harris has selected Minnesota Governor Tim Walz as her running mate. I think I can speak for countless Americans when I say, who is that? Here’s Governor Walz. Did you know we’re the same age? Yes, it’s true. He looks like a personal injury attorney. He has that appearance of a man at a church who remarries just a month after his wife unexpectedly passes. He resembles a high school football coach who made sure all the players took showers post-practice.

Democratic presidential candidate, U.S. Vice President Kamala Harris, and Democratic vice presidential candidate Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz make their first appearance on stage together during a campaign event at Girard College on August 6, 2024, in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Harris has selected the 60-year-old Midwestern governor over other candidates, ending weeks of speculation over her running mate choice. (Andrew Harnik/Getty Images)

FIVE CONTROVERSIES SURROUNDING VICE PRESIDENTIAL NOMINEE TIM WALZ, FROM DUI TO COVID FRAUD

I’m not saying Tim is extremely left-leaning, but even Bernie Sanders might be shocked by this choice. During the BLM protests, Walz attributed the unrest to a lack of equality and inclusion, calling the events ‘exciting’ as they fostered optimism. I suppose they could have incited even more destruction.

Because, apparently, nothing says equality like chaos. But it seems Walz embraces a ‘half-full Molotov cocktail’ perspective. Maybe 9/11 actually made rent affordable for some in Lower Manhattan. Is it too soon for that? Walz boasts a 100% approval rating from Planned Parenthood, which has earned him the complete backing of Kamala’s husband’s former nanny.

So what led Kamala Harris to pick Walz as her running mate? Rumor has it he was the sole candidate who didn’t hang up or chuckle at her call. Meanwhile, a group of comedians, including Ben Stiller, Kathy Griffin, and Rosie O’Donnell, hosted a fundraiser over Zoom called ‘Comics for Kamala’ on Monday.

Actor Nick Offerman participated in a “Comics for Kamala” livestream to gather support for Harris. (Photo by ELIJAH NOUVELAGE/AFP via Getty Images | YouTube screenshot)

Wow, I presume no other prominent comics were available for this. By the way, Rosie mentioned she purchased 100 Kamala t-shirts and won’t take them off until Kamala is in the White House. Coincidentally, Kamala’s website is sold out of triple extra-large sizes.

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Remember Kimberly Cheatle, the former head of the Secret Service who nearly allowed Donald Trump to be assassinated in Pennsylvania because nobody noticed a convenient rooftop sniper? Apologies, but plenty of folks were aware. They just weren’t part of the Secret Service.

A proposed House bill would require Senate confirmation for the Secret Service director following the July 13 rally where Director Kimberly Cheatle was dismissed. (Getty Images)

Additionally, there was a person running around with a firearm. Other than that, no concerns whatsoever. Since then, further insights about Cheatle have emerged; she was appointed by Biden in 2022 after serving during his vice presidency, which was a straightforward job, considering Bin Laden believed Biden was far more of a threat alive. But now it appears Cheatle not only struggles to prevent shootings but also seems unable to control drug access. Do you recall the cocaine found in the White House a year ago?

A photo showing the bag of cocaine discovered in the White House on July 2. (U.S. Secret Service)

It’s worth noting that we might have referred to this a few times on this show. I haven’t discussed cocaine this much since my days as Larry Kudlow’s supplier. Remember how the elite, well-funded law enforcement agency couldn’t seem to figure out the source of the contraband even though it’s located in the most secure building in the nation? Well, Susan Crabtree from RealClear Politics states that Cheatle wanted the evidence to be destroyed.

According to reports, Cheatle was ‘upset that her order to eliminate the evidence was ignored.’ Who does she think she is, Hillary Clinton? Hunter, a known drug user, had been staying in the White House, and unusually, cocaine turned up there. Quite the coincidence. It’s akin to discovering a stack of pies under Chris Christie’s bed. But really, one might argue Hunter wouldn’t leave something so crucial to him just lying around. It’s not like a laptop or a child… oh wait.

Apparently, DNA testing had been initiated but wasn’t completed. Perhaps because if it were finished, they’d have something to disclose. Meanwhile, media outlets seemed content to allow this story to dissipate without a sound. What happened to it? A real journalist should ideally investigate this. There’s just one hurdle – the individual in question is a Democrat, and it’s a Democrat whose abilities and mental capacity are already in question. Imagine if the scenario were reversed with a Trump White House. It would dominate the news, become more outrageous than Watergate, and be touted as yet another reason Trump isn’t fit to hold office. Meanwhile, the Trump kids’ only drug test results would be for calcium.

Now, the Secret Service has denied the allegations. A spokesperson stated to Fox that this information is false and that there are established retention policies for criminal investigations, which the Secret Service followed during this case. Fair enough, but there was a time when we would have believed that. That time ended when Trump’s life was nearly taken, and they outright lied about it. They claimed they didn’t disregard repeated requests for additional security. That was neither a misstatement nor a mistake but a deliberate falsehood. Why would they lie again? Moreover, a recent report from the Homeland Security Inspector General indicated that messages were deleted from the phones of agents present during the January 6th riot. Curious, isn’t it?

As per Crabtree’s revelations, the Secret Service deliberately wiped texts to cover up the agency’s handling of January 6th, so you don’t require Sherlock Holmes to discern the pattern here. You don’t even need to be John Holmes. The attack on Trump occurred only weeks ago, yet the media has promptly moved past it. To this day, we are still unaware of the reason behind the shooter’s actions, and no one appears to be concerned. This situation mirrors the cocaine story perfectly.

SECRET SERVICE FAILURE AT TRUMP RALLY EXPOSES CULTURE ROT, STAFFING WOES

This raises many questions regarding the state of affairs: unmonitored rooftops, lack of counter-drone measures, awareness of an individual with a rangefinder, and the Secret Service capturing photos of the shooter a half-hour before the incident—while clearing attendees of potential threatening behavior—and yet nothing being done. The president should have been moved from the stage given the knowledge of a threat, evidenced by footage of the gunman clearly visible prior. It’s shocking. I’ve witnessed more secure environments in spring break bars.

Was Kimberly Cheatle overseeing this, or was it Sirhan Sirhan? The Secret Service subsequently blamed the heat, sloped roofs, and local authorities. Meanwhile, FBI director Christopher Wray inaccurately claimed that Trump might not have been shot. Did it resemble the antics of James Bond with Thomas Crooks?

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He seemed intent on sowing suspicion. Were all those government agents inept? Or was Crooks the sole government agent to fail? This notion sounds absurd. It is absurd. However, if we ever aim to uncover the truth, it might be time to employ Oliver Stone.